I don't ever recall really thinking about how many children I wanted to have. In fact, I don't remember thinking much about having children. When we found out we were expecting B, I was nervous and scared but knew we would do just fine. My pregnancy was good and stress-free for the most part, but labour was the complete opposite. When B was born, I was fairly certain that I would not have another child. Lives were placed in harms way, and we weren't comfortable doing that again.
Jump forward about 4 and a half years, and you find me constantly thinking about having another baby. It seemed the right choice. B was quickly approaching school age and I was beginning to feel that I personally didn't want to have a child that was an only child. I wanted her to have a sibling. Someone who she would hopefully be best friends with. Someone that she could turn to for support and someone who could also turn to her.
When B was 5, we welcomed H into the world. I had worries, but she was born healthy with no problems during delivery and 2 days later we brought her home.
B has always been a wonderful help; grabbing diapers, helping with feedings, choosing outfits. Now that H has turned 2, the girls are finding a friend and a playmate in each other.
It's not all easy though. With the age gap, they have strong differences in their likes and wants. While B would love to go run around a park for hours, H rapidly loses interest in places that aren't at all toddler friendly. But those obstacles we can usually overcome.
The struggle comes when B is in school and I need to entertain H solo; which is okay!! I am a parent after all. But, I can't remember how to entertain a toddler. At all.
I can get her doing an activity for a few minutes and then she's on to something else. Toddler attention span and all that. I don't mind messy activities as they can be cleaned up, as long as she's not painting her eye. I like coloring, when she's not practicing her artwork on her legs.
Needless to say, I can't remember how I entertained B for hours and days when it was usually just the two of us.
Sometimes I think the age gap is nice. One will be finishing University when the other one is preparing to begin. One will be driving for years before the other is even thinking about having a license. Financially we will be able to save up between big events such as weddings, when those days comes. Yes, these are the things I think of.
On the other end, I often feel like I'm starting all over. I had to relearn the baby stage as though I was a first time mom. And now I'm struggling with the entertaining and teaching stages of the toddler years. It'll come. I know it will. Sometimes I wonder if having them closer in age would've been better. And though I know it wouldn't hurt if they were closer in age, I also know that mentally I was not at all ready any sooner.
One day I'll figure it all out. It'll probably be when I'm trying to entertain my toddler-aged grandchildren. In the mean time, we will keep on pushing through, reading books, coloring legs, having tea parties and enjoying the added benefits of what an age gap actually provides.
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