Challenges of a 5 Year Gap

I don't ever recall really thinking about how many children I wanted to have. In fact, I don't remember thinking much about having children. When we found out we were expecting B, I was nervous and scared but knew we would do just fine. My pregnancy was good and stress-free for the most part, but labour was the complete opposite. When B was born, I was fairly certain that I would not have another child. Lives were placed in harms way, and we weren't comfortable doing that again. 

Jump forward about 4 and a half years, and you find me constantly thinking about having another baby. It seemed the right choice. B was quickly approaching school age and I was beginning to feel that I personally didn't want to have a child that was an only child. I wanted her to have a sibling. Someone who she would hopefully be best friends with. Someone that she could turn to for support and someone who could also turn to her. 

When B was 5, we welcomed H into the world. I had worries, but she was born healthy with no problems during delivery and 2 days later we brought her home. 

B has always been a wonderful help; grabbing diapers, helping with feedings, choosing outfits. Now that H has turned 2, the girls are finding a friend and a playmate in each other. 

It's not all easy though. With the age gap, they have strong differences in their likes and wants. While B would love to go run around a park for hours, H rapidly loses interest in places that aren't at all toddler friendly. But those obstacles we can usually overcome. 

The struggle comes when B is in school and I need to entertain H solo; which is okay!! I am a parent after all. But, I can't remember how to entertain a toddler. At all. 

I can get her doing an activity for a few minutes and then she's on to something else. Toddler attention span and all that. I don't mind messy activities as they can be cleaned up, as long as she's not painting her eye. I like coloring, when she's not practicing her artwork on her legs. 

Needless to say, I can't remember how I entertained B for hours and days when it was usually just the two of us. 

Sometimes I think the age gap is nice. One will be finishing University when the other one is preparing to begin. One will be driving for years before the other is even thinking about having a license. Financially we will be able to save up between big events such as weddings, when those days comes. Yes, these are the things I think of. 

 

On the other end, I often feel like I'm starting all over. I had to relearn the baby stage as though I was a first time mom. And now I'm struggling with the entertaining and teaching stages of the toddler years. It'll come. I know it will. Sometimes I wonder if having them closer in age would've been better. And though I know it wouldn't hurt if they were closer in age, I also know that mentally I was not at all ready any sooner. 

One day I'll figure it all out. It'll probably be when I'm trying to entertain my toddler-aged grandchildren. In the mean time, we will keep on pushing through, reading books, coloring legs, having tea parties and enjoying the added benefits of what an age gap actually provides. 

Building an Imagination

Every now and then I see or read or even hear something that greatly inspires me. Sometimes it makes me want to write, sometimes it makes me want to get crafty and sometimes it simply makes me stop and think. 

There's a quote that has been circling for some time. It's actually credited as being something Einstein said but, after researching, I couldn't find a direct quote just pieces of something he may have once said. 

Either way, I love the saying and needed to put it on a canvas to hang on my wall. If you've seen either mine or my children's book collections, or have even just heard me express our love for reading, you can see how much this quote fits. 

Grade Two Blues

Today, B started grade 2. 

In a month, H turns 2. 

Wow. 

B is ecstatic for school; Has been counting the days. Last night she made a list of everything to do (definitely my child), and this morning she jumped out of bed and began checking things off as she did them. 

It's hard for me to understand how the time has gone so quickly. Although high school feels like a lifetime ago, starting a family seems as something much more recent. 

I've found I've been a little more emotional the last few days. Grade Two. Seven years have gone by, and I remember the tears that filled my eyes on her first day of playschool when she was 3. They were quite similar to the tears that gathered yesterday. 

My husband said at least it isn't her going into high school. The way I see it is that tomorrow she will be. How did our parents handle this every year? My kids getting older reminds me I'm getting older. It all just goes too fast. 

I suppose just make the best of the time you have. Take advantage of all your time you have with your kids (or your grand kids) because one day they'll be going into grade 2 and you too might be wondering how it's flown by. 

How will I ever handle her graduating high school!! 

A Mother's Struggle

One of the hardest things for me personally, is making sure I get ME time. My focus is my family; Making sure they are all taken care of. And being a stay at home mom, well that's really my entire life. My days don't stop. It's a 24/7 gig. My 1 1/2 year old is still up throughout the night, so it really is never ending. 

Recently, I began taking hot yoga classes. So far, I'm loving it. I've only done evening classes. 1 landing me home shortly after 8, the others shortly after 9. The later classes work because then my husband is home with the girls; downside is I'm missing bedtime. 

B goes to bed at 8, and is usually snoring within minutes. H usually goes to bed around then as well, but she's still running on her "I'm the baby so I'm the boss" schedule so, it's sometimes a little earlier or later. 

I can't help but feel guilty that I'm missing putting my girls to bed. I still tuck them in immediately when I get home, and more times than not, miss H is waiting for me too settle her into bed. But it's hard. 

Extra guilt stems from the fact that after my second class (they weren't back to back nights) B told me that I'm never home at night. And guilt through the roof. 

I think too often it's easy to feel guilt when something is taking you from your children, but the real challenge is knowing that it doesn't make you a bad parent, it makes you better because you are happier with you.

I'm doing my best to come to terms with Me time. It's okay! I can't take care of my family if I'm not taking care of myself first. I'm important too. And whether it's a 30 minute walk outside, or a couple hour trip to town for yoga, or a girls night out with my friends, it's okay! My children know I love them. They know if I miss bedtime, I'll see their pretty little faces bright and early in the morning. 

So my advice to share is to not hesitate to do something without your kids. Maybe find a new passion. Start a class at the gym. Take a class at a local college or university. Go for dinner with a friend. Do anything that makes you feel happy and better about yourself and let go of the guilt that surrounds you from stepping away for a short while from your family. It's okay! 

The Not-So-Glamorous Life of a Mom

Nothing screams glamorous than a mom with sick kids. I'm sure some people think that when children are sick, it's all snuggles and naps. 

That's a lie. At least in my house. True, the girls are little more snuggly when ill and maybe B will sneak a short nap, but that's just the tip of it. 

Let me tell you my life for the past week and a half. 

Little H was heavily teething last week, Making her extra fussy. She then developed a fever that was higher than what is said to be normal for teething. It was a few days of sleepless nights and her waking every 30-60 minutes before we finally completely broke the fever. 

Then Friday, she develops an entire upper body rash. Fortunately she was unaffected by it, but it was visible, and worrisome. It disappeared by Sunday. 

Then, because a fever and rash isn't enough, and I may soon disgust you, she got hit with 3 days of 8-10 times a day diarrhea. Now that was a special treat. My first time in 6 years of being a mom that I have ever been that covered in poop. Not my idea of fun. 

Now, let's add in some puking on Thursday and we've about hit the end of worst for the baby. But that's not the end of the sickness. 

Thursday night had B up puking and pretty much laid out on the couch all day yesterday. 

Today, minus a very lovely poopsplosion as I like to refer it as, and an emergency shower for the baby, energy levels seem to be slowly rising. Or so one would think. Instead of sleeping at bedtime, H decided that a projectile vomiting session was in-store; the target being me. 

So as you can see, kids being sick is far from just snuggles and naps in our house. I hope once they are over this bug that it is gone for good. 

A Confession

I hate to say it, I've avoiding saying it because I don't want to be the one complaining. So many people do and let's face it, it gets annoying hearing the same thing over and over. But I'm going to. Here we go. Brace yourselves. 

I'm over Winter. I'm done. The snow can go away now. 

I'm tired of bundling up myself and two kids to just walk outside the door. I miss walks with out multiple layers. I miss tank tops and capris and sandals. Oh how I miss sandals. I miss being warm and driving with the windows down. I miss pool parties and swimming and drinks on the deck. And I miss camping. Oh camping. I miss the nights under the stars and the campfires and the laughter with friends. I miss Summer. 

Now, And I'm going to say this clearly, I don't miss the extreme heat because I get headaches good and fast, but I sure do miss the rest. 

So Winter, you've had your fun. You've given us record snowfalls. I've made the best of you and have yet to let you win. You remember that Santa Shuffle I did back in December when it was -47? Ya. That. I win. Let's call it what it is. You've had your turn, now it's Summers turn. At least Spring. Just please, no more snow.

I'm ready for outdoor fun. 

My Sunshine

Ever since my H was born, B has always called her "Sunshine", and if she's upset or we are trying to soothe her, we sing "You Are My Sunshine" to her. She seems to enjoy it greatly.

For the last little while I've been playing around with crafts. B and I have been making hair clips, finger knitting scares and bracelets, making signs to hold Christmas cards on and making valentines crafts for her daddy. I'm feeling crazy crafty lately if you can't tell. 

I love Pinterest. Gives me great ideas and wonderful how-tos. Which is what brought along todays craft. I wanted to make something in relation to calling H Sunshine and found some fun ideas. Attempting to make it was important to me, but you can find endless ones out there to purchase off of etsy. This being one of many. 

So, B and I made this together. A canvas and paint and done. I put the writing on it today and it is hanging in H's room. I love it!

Now to start the next craft! 

Wedding Ring Love

To me, when you put on your wedding rings it symbolizes the commitment you have to your spouse. It's not only a sign for you both, but a sign for others to show that you are in a relationship with another person. 

I don't often take mine off; though there are occasions. If I'm cooking with chicken or mixing meat by hand, they come off. If I'm doing a vigorous workout or possibly hitting something, they come off. If I'm taking the girls swimming, I will leave my engagement ring at home, but wear my wedding band. And if I'm doing one of those darn mud races, which I've been known to do, they come off. 

 And they almost always are put immediately back on. I feel naked without them, they are a part of me. 

I once read somewhere that when someone is playing with their wedding bands it's their way of thinking of their spouse; and they don't often realize they're even doing it. Kind of neat. 

I know of people who rarely wear theirs for various reasons. Some make sense, and I can't judge them for it. For example, some don't currently fit, Some can't wear due to their jobs, Some can't stand jewelry but have other ways to display, whether it be a necklace or a tattoo. But I know of other people who choose to leave their wedding rings at home when they are going for a night out with the girls or guys. It allows them to appear single I suppose. But for what reason? If it's to score a free drink, okay....but do you need to leave your rings? If it's to go out and hook up with a stranger, I think there are further issues that need to be addressed. 

I don't want to comment too much as I don't know what goes through these peoples minds or what their relationship is with their spouse, but I can't help but speculate. 

I guess, for me, I'm 100% committed to my husband. If I go out with or without him and I am approached, I don't hesitate to say I'm married. I am. I love him. And I would never try to pretend like i didn't. Hence why the wedding rings stay on :) 

My Best Self

Let's talk about weight...it's awful. I hate the scale, and really try not to look at it. I should honestly just toss it out; or bury it away. I've gained a little weight since last summer. Not much by any means, but I'm short. Us short people notice that sort of thing...though I'm sure many people do. 

I want to be thinner. I want to be stronger. I want to be healthier. I want to look in the mirror and be happier with my reflection. I want to pull clothes on and not pick apart how they look. Most importantly, I want my children to grow up with healthy body images and not be critical of themselves. 

There's only one solution....

Get off my ass and do something about it, because no one is going to do it for me. 

I wanted to be at my prime when I turned 30. That's in a week. I've come to terms that that's not happening.   

I'm tired of always Starting Over and taking those dreaded Before pictures. I never want to take one of those before pictures ever again. 

Tonight I got off my ass. Tonight I did a workout. Tomorrow I will feel it, and I will remember why I feel it. And then I will workout again. And again. And again. Until it's a part of everyday life and I'm not doing it sporadically like I'm doing now and it doesn't seem like a chore when I would rather be relaxing once I get the kids tucked in at night. I need to look at it as a reward, because it's making me a better, stronger person and that's the best reward. 

So tomorrow, when I move a little slower or feel a twinge when I turn a certain way, I will smile, remember all of the reasons why, and put that workout gear back on. 

I'm going to be My Best Self. 

The 52 Hour Road Trip

I think if I could have a general superpower, if you want to call it that, I'd love to be able to teleport. 

We just finished a 52 hour road trip. And how exhausting it was. 1 night at my husbands parents, 1 night at my parents and then home today. 

I don't mind traveling. When we drive through the mountains when we go camping I absolutely love the scenery. It's beautiful. But driving on flat prairie land, yeah, that's not so exciting. 

That's where teleporting would be handy. Scoop up the kids, do the little voodoo-woohoo thing and BAM! you're at your destination. Not only that, it would enable us to get more time in visiting with the grandparents and less time trying to make the baby, who doesn't want to be sitting in the car seat, happy. And who doesn't want a happy baby? 

So if anyone out there has some insider scoop on the possible invention of teleportation, hook this mama up! Please ;) 

Becoming a Werewolf Mummy

What a day yesterday was. My dear friend Jamie, who is a makeup artist and more, decided to further educate herself in different types of makeup application. And I'm not talking pretty wedding or date night makeup, I'm talking horror movie makeup. If you've read my post the Not So Glamorous Life of a Movie Extra, you'll know what I'm getting at.

It's been a good 8 months since I was made up to be a zombie movie extra, so when Jamie said she needed a model, I rounded up my sister to watch the mini-me, and I volunteered! 

Upon arriving at Jamie's friends house, who was going to be teaching her some new skills, I listened in as they discussed the plans for the day. Wow, what a transformation it would be. 

We took pictures as we went so I could see the changes as they happened. This is me, hair pulled back, with obviously no makeup, no lotion, nothing.

And then it began. Partial altered masks, glue, latex, and extra little tricks were all applied to my face. And a blow dryer was used to set and dry it. Next ears were made, formed, and glue and latex and gunk were added to my ears. Yes, I'm totally using gunk as my descriptive word here.

Look at that for a werewolf!! 

But no, we couldn't be done there. Did I mention I was going to be a werewolf mummy? Bring on the gauze, more gauze, torn up sheets and more sheets. 

Jamie maneuvered and got the materials hopefully in a way that she was pleased with, and then we went and took some photos so she could add to her portfolio, and I could add to my list of memories. 

The makeup removal is the worst part of it all; in my opinion anyways. Pulling, tearing, me almost crying and laughing. Ripping like a band-aid was not a win. But slowly and surely, the makeup was removed and I started to look a little more like me again. 

The experience is great. I love being part of anything in which a crazy transformation can be seen. And to help a friend further her knowledge? Heck ya, count me in!! And although I kick my ass every time I sign up for the monster makeup, because it is uncomfortable to remove, I'm sure I'll do it again and again. 

Dear Creepers...

Let's be honest here; People are weird. I know, I know. Pot meet kettle. But really, more times than not, when I go out in public, I'll have someone stare at me. And I don't mean the quick glance as they walk by that many people do, I mean the full-blown stare at you stare. It gets to the point that it seriously makes me uncomfortable, and subsequently, self-conscious. I do have 2 children, so really, I could have almost anything on me at anytime.

I even went as far today as asking my husband and sisters if there was something wrong with me, or if I looked weird, and I just wasn't aware of it. Not that I expected any of them to say something negative about me, but the general feedback is that people are just weird.

I figure from now on, the creepers that stare will either get a smile or a funny face in return. Guess we will base it on my mood that day. But seriously people, don't stare. Just glance and smile and look away, or don't do anything at all. It honestly bothers people...It's creepy.

I Can, So I Will

"You're Never Too Old To Follow Your Dreams"

I absolutely love this quote. There's so much I want to do yet but often stop myself because of my age. I've been trying harder to remember that I'm not old. My age? I'll be 30 in a month. 30!! See, that's young! Or so I've been trying to convince myself. 

There is absolutely no reason why I can't finish my novel. I can finish, and I can publish it. Even if no one reads it; I'm doing it for me, and me alone. And I can even write another one after that. 

I can learn another language, or 2! It may be difficult, but I'm not too old.  

There is an endless list of things I want to accomplish and things I want to learn to do, and my age isn't going to be what stops me. I also want me children to know that there is no limit to what they can do. They can do anything they want. 

I've come up with my own quote. My own Motivation.

I can, so I will.