The stresses of money

Money sucks. Eloquent right?
I'm currently in the process of arranging to pay back all of my student loans. And trust me, there's a lot of them. It's stressful. What's even worse, I'm not using the schooling at all. And won't ever. For multiple reasons that we will just not get into right now.

I didn't get scholarships or bursaries or anything of the sort. What I did get is the pressure to apply for numerous student loans. And I did. I worked very little during college, that you can't even count it. So basically $50,000 thrown away. Ya, fun times. Sense the sarcasm?

My girls both have RESP's set up. And once I finally apply and receive H's birth certificate, both will be getting a savings account set up as well. I want to teach them about money and the smart ways to work with money and save it. I want them to know all about bursaries and scholarships and everything else that will make sure that they aren't paying for student loans for years to come; All the stuff that I wish I knew and was much more educated about. Unless they're gonna be doctors, because I don't know if we could finance all those years ;)

I think there's lots of information out there. You don't need to be a straight A student nor do you need to be living in poverty to receive "free money". It's out there, you just need to look!! Lesson learned.

Almost

730am. I'm blogging. School clothes are on. Breakfast is ate. Teeth just need to be brushed. We're doing good with time today. It helps that H is still sleeping and my sister made toast for B, but hey, we're doing it!

I haven't hit the treadmill in 2 days like I said, however; we went for a km walk yesterday, and on Monday I did a nice little workout. It wasn't much. Took maybe 10 minutes, but it happened! Last night I moved around the foosball table and dropped down the treadmill. So now there is literally no excuse!
One step at a time I suppose :)

That damn foosball table...we really need a bigger basement. Like a lot of men, the basement is his "man cave", when we don't take if over that is. But, I may be one of the few that hopes for bigger to make it better. We have sports stuff, a good TV, and a nice size wet bar that has been very well used in our 4 years here. Now to add an air hockey table - or get rid o the foosball first which I don't see happening because B loves that thing. The main thing i meant to get at with all this bigger basement stuff is that I'd like to have the treadmill accessible without trying to slide this table across the basement. Every damn time.

Ok. On that note. Time to drop this girl off at school!
Have a good one!!

Getting it Together

Look at me go. Two posts in less than a week? I must be sick. Realistically, I'm writing this with H passed out across my chest, and B playing cars in the kitchen. I can't help but think that this must be the norm - moms (or dads) writing with the babies on them in some form. I suppose if I want to write, this is the only way it can be done.

I'm slowly in the process of getting back in shape. When I got pregnant I continued to work out. Not nearly as long as I wanted, but I did. I used the treadmill for a month or two, but then got concerned that I was getting my heart rate to high, and stopped. I started walking outdoors then. Not long distances or anything, just enough to get going. Most times were between 1 and 2km with B, other times we did the longer walk to the library and back which was more along the lines of 3km round trip. We spent loads of time in the pool this past summer too!

Now I have no excuses. Wait, that's a lie. My excuse is laying on me. Three times she's fallen asleep on me today. Three times I've laid her down after crashing. And three times she was awake instantly. Okay two times. The Third was about a half hour, in which B and I made cookies. But, I'm trying not to let her be an excuse. I just did 50 squats with her in my arms. Why? Why not. I'm going to get where I want to be physically, and if it means including H in the work outs, I will.

A few days ago I did some jumping jacks. I pushed out 100, with so many stops. I knew I was out of shape - not being hard on myself, it's true, I just gained and lost 30 pounds in 9 months - but wow. I am lucky to be at my pre-pregnancy weight, which is still higher than I would ideally like it to be, but I'm much softer, and much weaker. I currently have a goal to be able to do 100 jumping jacks, without stopping, by the end of the month. Might sound easy, but after how I felt the other day, I think I've got my work cut out for me.

I wanted to do the Resolution Run here on New Years Eve, but it sold out before I got the "okay" from my doctor. It's really bitter sweet. I hoped to run a marathon in 2012, and wasn't comfortable running one pregnant. Oh well. There's always 2013. I actually registered for the Mud Hero last week. It's not until next August, but I'm pumped. 6km in the mud with obstacles?? Hell yeah! I must be crazy. I've also recently learned of the Rock n Roll Marathon in Vegas that would be wicked. But, doubtful that it'll be next year, but hopefully soon! Either way, I see a lot of training in the future, and I'm okay with that!

I have to start somewhere, and I am. I've been working on my diet. Trying to choose some of the healthier choices, and less of the crappier choices ;) . I'm trying to get moving a little bit more too. And although it's awfully cold outside, and I don't like taking H out in this if I don't have to, I do have the treadmill that has collected dust over the months and is calling my name louder and louder. I'm going to get on it in the next day or two, and hopefully by writing it here, along with the rest of my goals, I'll feel a little more obligated to actually do it!

We're going to Vegas in May for my husbands 30th. I want to look and feel awesome. It's our first time, and from what I've heard, there's a lot of walking to be done, and I want to be able to keep up!!
I also want to be able to keep up with my girls for the next 20+ years, and then my grandchildren - yes, that is SO far away, but it's something I think about.

On that rambling note, B is getting hungry (she just asked for 5 hot dogs, silly child of mine), H is squirming, and my writing time has come to an end.

Craziness

Wow, how life has changed in the last months. We have been blessed with baby number 2, who, after much debate, was born a girl. You never know when both ultrasounds show a different sex. But she was born October 1st, through an uncomplicated c-section. If you know me, you know the stress and tears that were involved when my first daughter was born, so it was wonderful to have a good delivery this time.

I've had people tell me that going from one child to two was simple. I call bullshit. I find myself often overwhelmed, not that I would change it, I love these girls. I'm nursing, for those who care, a baby who eats at least every 2 hours. The other day, she ate 8 times in 8 hours. She also only wants to cosleep (no need to voice opinions on this, I'm very well of the pros and cons of it) and will only sleep at night this way. Kick it off with me being not-so-smart and put B in morning kindergarten, and we are up daily at 7 for this. Might I add that my husband is away for 15 days at a time and then only home for 6??

Now please don't think I'm complaining. I love my kids, I love my husband, and like I said, I wouldn't change it. It's just overwhelming, and most definitely not easy. It's day by day and it is absolutely a learning game.

Christmas has officially come to our house, as evident by the beautiful smelling tree and all the flashing lights - which have also found a home around the fish tank this year. Poor fish. B is very excited for the holidays, whereas H, at 9 weeks old, just stares at the bright lights. Happy baby that she is.

I want to write more. I need to write more. It's finding the time to do so that's the hard part. I've already taken 2 hours to write this as I started when B was at dance and am now finishing as we watch Brave and finish up supper.

I might add that months ago I finished (and I say that lightly) my first story. Now I definitely need to add to it, and edit it, and make it better, but being able to add a period at the end of that last line just filled me with so much joy. I cannot wait to be completely done with it, print it, bind it, and set it on my shelf knowing that I did that. That I wrote something.

And then I can start book 2, with the storyline that is ever in my mind ;)

On that note, back to my busy life I go!

Being pregnant

Pregnancy is funny. I've heard numerous times that every pregnancy is different and I'm finding that to be more and more true.

I had morning sickness with my daughter. If I set the alarm to wake up, you can pretty much guarantee that I was sick almost immediately after moving from my bed. I had no cravings, no mood swings, no emotional breakdowns, apart from one - with a husband that works away, I did my prenatal classes alone, and one bugged me.
I was also fortunate to wear my jeans all the way to the day that my daughter was born.

This time, however, is different for sure. Apart from some intermittent nausea in the first couple months, I'm now a good 7 weeks without really feeling anything. Not once have I "prayed to the porcelain Gods". I am finding I'm more emotional. No full breakdowns, because I'm really holding back, but I feel like I could cry over nothing half the time.
My pants. That's an issue in itself. I pulled out a bunch of shorts yesterday. Two fit. That's it. And probably only for a very short time yet. So ya, I'm having a harder time dealing with my clothes not fitting.

Now let me make sure I word this properly. I'm gaining yet. I'm good with that. I'm excited to have the big baby bump that is already growing. I'm not upset I'm getting big, it's just always sad when your clothes don't fit you.

This is the biggest difference between the two pregnancies for me. With B, I gained around 35, but carried her so high that my pants were never affected (and gained most of it the last 4-6 weeks). This one, I've gained a few so far (I am only 18 weeks, so long way to go & doc thinks I'll gain it all late like last time), I'm just holding much lower already. Which is the direct reason my pants don't want to fit.

Maybe it's a boy!!

It's all worth it in the end :)

MIA

Too much to say, without the patience to say it.

I haven't wrote anything in what feels like months. I know it's been a couple since my last blog, but that's not all that is on hold. The story I have been trying to finish, and is so close to hitting that point, has been pushed aside once again. Possibly from the fear of it being rejected, even if I am the only one who ever reads it in its completed form. Or possibly just from the knowledge that I will actually be completed something that has meant so much to me.

I've been hit a few times over the last few months with things I'd love to rant about. But who wants to read that really? One of which is pregnant women smoking, or smoking in the vehicle with children. Both of which I know are quite common. Personal issues I have that I could talk about forever. Moving on.

My latest thing is my 4 y/o's Humidifier. We bought a Vicks Warm Mist Vaporizer (I believe is what it is described as) for her room, and turned it on if ever she was congested or had a cold. Now, I always check on her before bed (and throughout the night if I wake up - I am one of those moms), but it worries me what may of happened if we hadn't checked on her that night. Upon entering her room, we smelled the overwhelming odor of burning plastic. Yup, her humidifier was attempting to burn. It was unplugged, dumped and she was moved from her room for a couple nights until it fully aired out. I finally called to complain. They offered me a new, updated one. Nice offer, not happening. Never will I plug one in in my house. I would panic all night wondering if my child was going to be harmed by a vaporizer starting on fire. She's all stuffed up now, and I'm searching for ideas to help her be less congested in the mornings.

I guess that's a little rant, but it needed to be shared.

I do have exciting news though! We are expecting baby number 2. B is going to be 5 tomorrow, and she is over-the-moon excited to be a big sister this fall. I have been ridiculously lucky too with how I am feeling. I know too many pregnant women right now who can not escape the dreaded morning sickness, regardless of how far along they are. I'm thinking that someone, somewhere is making up for the mess and stress we went through when B came into this world. At least, that's what I am telling myself. (knock on wood that it stays this way)

I'm going to TRY to blog more. Like I said, LOTS to say, I just need to say it.

What's New??

I hate it when people ask me "what's new?" because I never have anything exciting to say. I totally understand the question, and it's a great way to get the conversation going, but I really don't do anything exciting in direct relation to myself.

Most of my answers revolve around my daughter.
"B keeps me entertained with ballet"
"B keeps me busy with school and helping out"
"We had a playdate the other day"

Yup, almost all relates directly to her. Times like that make me think I need to do more for me.

I have a guitar here that is not being played. It should be. I have a language book on my self begging to be learned. It should be. I have ideas in my head and on paper that are wanting to be expanded. They should be.

And when I do that all, I will be able to tell you something exciting next time I'm asked "what's new?".

One day, I WILL say one (hopefully all) of these as a reply.

"I can speak Italian"
"I'm much better at the guitar"
"I finished writing my book"

Stepping out of my shell

Well, if you came from Twitter, you understand the title.

I have been playing around with this blog for over 2 years. Never writing much, just talking about random things on my mind, reviewing different books or movies, a little bit of everything.

I'm someone who loves to write, I may not be awesome at it, or have the widest vocabulary, as you'll notice, but I love it anyways. I find that if my mind is racing, writing helps me to get it out.

I downloaded the Blogger app on my phone too, which I have found has me blogging more and more, and often on the go. (Like at my daughters ballet class the other day)

I would love to be a writer. I loved it in high school, hated it in college, and have come full circle to where I can't get enough. I have been struggling to get the nerves to make this public. Sure it's always been out there, and anyone could have stumbled on it, but only 3 people I know personally have read few of the posts.

It's hard to put yourself out there, and have people judge your most private thoughts. I'm basically sharing my diary, and we all know how off-limits those are.

But I'm here, sharing with you all, because it's time I stepped out of my shell and share what I feel.

A Childs Choice

When I was pregnant my husband wanted a hockey player. Boy or girl, they were going to play hockey. I'm good with that, as long they are happy.

Well, we have a daughter, who is almost 5 now, and does not have the skating talent down. We get on the ice often, but she just doesn't get it. She wants to, but it stays as a want. And this is fine.

We've moved on to option two. B told me she would like to do ballet, so here we are. We've been in ballet since beginning of October and she absolutely loves it. Cannot get enough.

I didn't get the option of sports growing up. My sister got softball, my brother got cadets and I had girl guides. That's it, that's all. My husband played hockey almost everyday of his life, hence the hockey dream.

All that being said, I want to provide my child(ren) the chance to do or be anything they want. So, until she tells me that she doesn't want to dance anymore, and wants to try something else, I'm going to enjoy watching my ballerina dance every week.

No Surprise

As I write this, the weather network online says it's -29, without the wind. This afternoon it is suppose to be -29, or if you prefer, -38 with the wind. It's winter. It's Canada. That should be explanation enough, right?

Apparently not.

I woke up this morning, loaded facebook on my phone, and saw what really wasn't a shock. Probably 90% of my friends statuses were complaining about the cold, "It's -46 with the wind", "my truck has been warming up for a half hour", and my least favorite "why is it so cold out, can't we just have spring already".

We have been spoiled with the above freezing temperatures for the last couple of months, when in all actuality, we should have been loaded up with snow and cold. Instead, my daughter and I have been able to spend numerous days at the park, without freezing our butts off.

Don't get me wrong, I don't love the cold. I'm not sitting here jumping for joy that I can step outside and get damn near instant frostbite. I'm not loving that I have to let the vehicle warm up forever, just to drive the 5 minutes to the library, or the 15 minutes to go pick our kitten up from the vet. And I'm not loving that I have my heat cranked in my house, and I'm still cold. But it is what it is. It's January. In Canada. In Alberta.

Stop Complaining. It's not going to help. Bundle Up. Winter is here.

Antsy

I'm antsy! I don't know what for. But I am severely so.

I'm sitting outside my daughters school right now, patiently waiting for the doors to open, and I'm blogging.

I've been getting so fidgety lately. I have the constant need to do something but I don't know what. Last year I began learning Italian, and began teaching myself guitar. I'm thinking that maybe I need a new, stimulating hobby, and I'm most definitely open to suggestions.

My SIL wants to learn Spanish so I have thought that I could learn it as well and we could help each other out. And then once I master Italian AND Spanish I could be multilingual :)

Last year I started scrapbooking, slowly, but the friend I did this with and I had a falling out so I'm basically starting over by myself. Not very exciting.

I might just buy a song book and start mastering song by song on the guitar. I think that's a good start. Maybe it's what I need....get rid of this antsyness, yes that's a word now ;)

Goodbye 2011 Hello 2012

This past year held a lot of changes for me. Overall, I'd say it was a pretty good 2011.

January began with me joining my sister in law in a weight loss competition. It ended in June, with me taking second. I can happily say that as of December 31, 2011, I lost and kept off 12 pounds and 14 inches. I will take it. I look forward to another successful year health wise.

July brought along with it the marriage of my husband and I. Together for 8 1/2 years, a 4 year old daughter, we decided on a beautiful wedding at the beach where I spent my summers growing up.

August began a small, for me, but exciting venture. My sister moved away from home and joined us here. She has been living with us ever since, has been working at a good job using what she went to school for (makes one of us) and is starting to get going on life as a 'grown up'.

My daughter started Pre-K in September, and ballet in October. Needless to say, I have a busy girl who likes to go go go.

Late fall hit me with the winter blues, or something, but it wasn't fun. Never happy. Feeling down on me. Feeling as though I'm just not getting anything right. But it's coming still. I find writing really helps. Even if it is just these random babbles.

Christmas was busy of course. Some family came here this year. Very enjoyable, albeit stressful.

And tonight New Years. It's well past 1am right now. My daughter just got to sleep, and there are still friends over, but I'm tired and in bed and wanted to get this all out.

2011 was pretty damn good. 2012 has some shoes to fill. I'm not huge on resolutions, yet I'm getting better at setting goals for myself, which is basically what a resolution is. I think that word alone just puts too much pressure on people to do it and be successful and just sets you up for failure. That being said, I do have some things I want to accomplish in 2012.

Last January was my personal best for health success. I did it at home, through eating and exercise, and had my family for support. It worked. This year, I want more of that.

This year I want to make my blog public. Technically it is, and anyone can stumble upon it, but I want to man up (woman up), and tell family or friends about it. I want to link it to my twitter or Facebook and just be brave enough for the people who mean so much to me to see this extra part of me. It's scary to put yourself out there like that.

I also want to do a trip this year. I don't care where. I just want to go. Somewhere.

I want to get on writing my story. It's been on the back burner too long and deserves some much needed attention. I don't know if it'll ever be anything phenomenal, but to finish it will be reward enough.

I also want to start a review blog. Review mostly local stuff.
Restaurants, stores, basically anywhere I go. Also movies, books, hell even recipes if I try out something new.
I just want to get out there and do something and say something and be something.

I'm hoping for a wonderful 2012. And here's hoping that I hit these few goals I set. Goodbye 2011. Hello 2012