Breaking the Mold

Do you ever find yourself trying hard to not be like your parents?

My mom is great. We have a fairly good relationship. She gets to me sometimes, but I think most parents do. They're your parents after all, I think they're suppose to get on your nerves, throw their opinions out there, no matter how unwanted that opinion might be.

Making supper the other night my sister tripped and dropped her plate on her foot, spilling her supper and breaking the dish. My reaction?? "Are you okay? Does your foot hurt?" She was worried, her eyes watered and she felt horrible. Her foot? Sore, but ok. That's all that mattered.

Growing up, mom would get mad if we broke a dish. I don't know why. It's a dish. And it's not like we broke them on purpose, but accidents do happen. Dishes get broke. I just remember her getting mad. But, I also remember the day that I broke something and was all worried (let me say she just yelled, never hit). I was making supper so it would be ready when she got home from work. When she got home and saw how upset I was she took me out to eat and apologized for always being mad about something so minor and that she had realized that it was silly to get worked up over it.

She never got mad about a broken dish again. And I make it a point not to get worked up over something so small as a glass or plate getting broken.

I like breaking that mold and being something or someway different then how my parents were with me.

Comfort Zones

I say that I'm one to try new things, and I think that this is mostly true. I figure that I'm never actually going to know if I do or do not like something if I don't actually step up, get out of my comfort zone and try it.
I like seafood, tried Sushi. NOT for me. I tried it, and moved on.
I wanted a tattoo. Was scared shitless. Stepped up. I have two now, and more are being planned.
I'm not an awesome cook, but I like to try. I'm regularly trying a new recipe to see if it's a hit. It isn't always, but the effort is there.

This month seems to be a month of going completely out of my comfort zone and beyond. And I do mean beyond. Previously posts have mentioned my work to get into shape. And it's coming. I'm stronger than I ever imagined I would be. My sister in law recently asked me to join in a 5km run New Years Eve. I'm in. I've never run for anything before. And don't recall ever running past the 3km mark on the treadmill (and this was even recent). But I wanted to say that I tried and went out there and gave it my all. Now does this count as Running a Marathon on my Things To Do List? It's hard to say, and I guess I'm the only one who can really decide. But....5K, here I come.

Now the big one. Tomorrow I'm doing a photo shoot. Now apart from Wedding Related Pics, and a Trash the Dress shoot done after that, I haven't really had my picture taken (I don't count school pictures, as we all know what those were like). This one tomorrow has me going a little nuts. I made the decision on Sunday to do it. Not much notice at all. Yesterday I went shopping, and borrowed some awesome heels from a friend (I'm not a heels girl, but I'm slowly becoming one). Now, this shoot. It's called Shoot The Dawn: A sexy vampire shoot. Yup, that's right, Boudoir. Pale skin, Red Lips, Splashes of Blood. Oh, I should also add that it's outside. I live in Canada. We have snow here. Lots of it. And it's a high of -8 tomorrow. And my pictures aren't until 530, so I don't even get the sun for that little warmth. Yup, scared as hell. I think it's going to be a great confidence booster. And with a quick turn around time, I am hoping for a phenomenal Christmas present to give to my husband.

Comfort zones are good. You know that you are going to be happy with what you are doing, and hopefully happy with the results. But sometimes you need to go beyond those walls you put up to find out what you are really capable of doing. And find that there are things out there that you might love that you don't know about. So whether it's running a 5K, doing a photo shoot or even just doing something that seems so normal to somebody else, but beyond scary to you, give it a try, because you never really know. You might just love it.

Escape

Sometimes I just want to run away.

Now, let me explain. I have a great life. I have a wonderful husband. He has a good, busy, albeit dangerous, job. But he is able to keep a roof over our head, and food on the table. I also have a beautiful daughter who keeps me more busy than bored. She will keep you running for hours, and I couldn't ask for anything better.

But sometimes, I just feel the need to get away. My husband is gone for work for 15 days at a time, home for 6, then right back out there. This leaves me home with our 4 year old for that whole time by myself. And sometimes I just want some time for me. I get out to the movies or a few drinks, every now and then, but only when my husband is home. Why? Because I feel guilty getting a babysitter to go out and have fun, leaving my daughter home with neither of her parents. And NO this is definitely not a shot at parents who do that, because honestly?? I sometimes wish I would just suck it up and do it for me. So I could get time for me.

This whole month has been overwhelming for me. One thing after another, people judging more and more. A sick child who has a cough that is terrible and there is nothing I can do to make her better. A cold that I am fighting with that is taking all my energy away. A gym membership that I am taking advantage of regularly but is giving me no results at all. Feelings of disgust, feelings of anger towards myself and sometimes others. A lack of patience, which is something that I cannot afford to have. I'm finding myself closer and closer to just losing it on somebody, and I hate it. It isn't me. I'm not an angry person. I'm usually happy. I'm usually so laid back. Easy to get along with. Nice - I've been told. Yet, I'm going through this time, where I just don't feel like me.

Running away won't help, and like I said, I am happy with my life. I love my life. There are times where I just need more me time, and that is so unbelievable rare. But I hope that by talking about this and making a big effort, IF possible, then I can be ME again.

And I'm done. It just needed to be said. There will be no running.

Time???

I sometimes feel like I just don't have enough time to get anything done. My morning started at 730, and I feel like I've been on the go ever since. Laundry upon laundry has been done, and it's still going. Dishes have been done, yet still need to find a home. Next up is yard work. Not only is our pool still half full and needs to be emptied, cleaned and packed away for the winter, the leaves are almost completely off of our humongous tree out back. So that adds to raking. And a lawn that needs one last mow of the season.
And that's just the start of it.

Now I know it sounds like I'm complaining, and you're probably wondering how if I'm so busy I still manage to Blog... I needed to. I needed it to be said. I don't mean to complain, but sometimes it helps.

On the rare days that I schedule my day, or my week, I find things go that much smoother. But that's the kicker ... I gotta fit in time, or even just make an effort, to make up this schedule.

Imagine the time I would find (and the words I could write) if I just managed to organize myself a little better.

Guess it's on my list of things to do...

In a Funk?

I've made a lot of personal changes this year. The biggest of which was to get healthy. I know that New Years comes, and a very common resolution is to "lose weight". I didn't make that resolution this year. Why set myself up for failure? Instead, January brought on a competition organized by a friend to lose weight. It was friendly, yet competitive. We put in money to join, and at the end (we did it until the beginning of June) the person who lost the highest percentage of weight won 80% of the money, and second place took home the remaining 20%. I can happily say that I took home second place.

The last few months, however, have been at a stand still. Kind of in a slump. Still working out, but not to the extreme, and my eating, well, that's another story.

The gym I go to, which is one of the best places I've ever been, has a lot of people in this same funk. Feeling as though they are at a plateau, their eating has been terrible, they may even be gaining weight. Not what we want to be doing. The owner recently put out a Funk Challenge. If we were interested we got to put together a team of 5 members from the gym, and compete. It's not much. We have to work out and journal what we eat. Now the competition. The trainers are on teams of 3. If a team of members outworks (clocks more workouts hours, kms walked or biked), we get to train the trainers...something to look forward to. Definitely a good push.

It's been on for a week, and I find that I'm back in the groove of working out, and trying to eat a little better. It's amazing what you can do, if you just have that motivation, and push yourself a little harder.

Today is YOUR day. You CAN do this

Prepared for loss

A cousin of mine said it best today, "It's times like these the world makes you appreciate what you have! And truly miss the things you lost!"

A very dear friend lost her father yesterday. Something that is still a full shock to me. He was a wonderful man, and was another parent to me growing up. My friend has so much still to do in life, including having a baby within the next month, that her dad won't be able to be a part of.

The last 24hrs have been spent in tears, or almost tears. I am finding it difficult to focus on anything other than this, and find that my eyes are constantly glassy with tears. It was a loss that I was not prepared for, although, are we ever truly prepared for a loss like this??

I am so thankful for everything that I have, and for all the people who are in my life, and this recent loss made me absolutely miss the things and people I have lost.

Never miss the chance to tell someone you care about, how you feel. You just never know ...

My heart goes out to those who have been affected by loss

A Wedding!

Well, Life has taken a turn. For the better I must say. After a year and a half of being engaged, I finally married my longtime boyfriend two weeks ago.
The day was wonderful. Everything I could have imagined. The weather, on the other hand, was worrisome, until we pulled up to the lake at 5:00 and the sun came out!
I can not wait for the pictures to come back from the photographers. I have seen what others have taken, and absolutely love them!
The dress that I waited months to wear, is begging to be worn again. I love it so much! And got more compliments on it that I ever expected! <3
We had a Topsy cake...and I will never forget the reactions. My mother-in-law full on gasped because she thought it fell over during the drive! It's suppose to look off level.
The night itself was wonderful. Our guests seem to of had a great time! And we have heard nothing but compliments! My only complaint is that the night went way too fast, and before I knew it, it was time to call it a night.

Months of planning, and the day has come and gone. But I'm happier than ever!